LETTING GO… The first step towards FORGIVENESS

30 04 2010

How can we possibly forgive someone who has done something we believe is wrong? How can we say it’s ok if we feel attacked after reaching out to try to help someone? How can we say it’s ok after an intoxicated driver hits and kills our friend?

Wouldn’t the act of forgiveness itself go against everything we believe to be right?

How could I forgive myself by accepting the very thing I would never even imagine doing or saying myself?

Forgiveness is not something we do. Forgiveness is something that happens to us when we decide to LET GO of being right.

I was recently chatting with a dear friend of mine who was sharing a challenge she was encountering in her life. My counseling training came into action. I related to an experience of mine and brought it into the picture. Ouch!!

Suddenly my belief that I was about to help her understand and come to peace with her situation vanished and took a turn in the opposite direction. We were both feeling attacked and our loving relationship ceased to exist at that moment. We were both feeling attacked. As we both tried to explain what we meant by it all..it only seemed to get worse.

I could not find the words to express to her what was meant. My world was in turmoil. Love at that moment of my life simply did not seem to exist. We both felt unaccepted and unloved. We were both very vulnerable.

It was major decision time. My automatic response was to say the relationship had ended. There were no more words left to explain. She would never understand me. I would never understand her. It would never be the same. I would need to hold on to the fact that our relationship was over.

I had another alternative. I could simply realize that we will see things differently. So it was LETTING GO time. It was time to agree to disagree. No words could bring us to the exact same page at that moment. The only thing I could see that we both had in common at that time was our desire to feel joy and love once again. LETTING GO was the thing for me to do.

As I made the decision to let it go and no longer try to prove my rightness….I began to feel forgiveness. I forgave myself for hurting someone I love. My letting go also allowed my friend to do the same. Will our relationship be the same? I believe it’s at a new level. It now holds the fact that we can get through anything and come back to that safe and loving place. We accept each other for who we are now. My love for her is deeper. My love for myself is at a higher level as I realize I can truly forgive myself and others!

Thank you God for showing the way to serenity once again!

As we let go…we open the door to a joyful and triumphant life!




One response

29 05 2010
Kellie Winzinowich

This same scenario happened for me a year ago. A friend of mine and I were experiencing similar things at the same time, and it was near to impossible to be there for each other. While I was trying to fix things in my life, she just wasn’t ready to do the same with hers. We had a horrendous fight that to this day started out innocently enough. I thought that maybe it was the end. I eventually apologized, but she didn’t feel the need to do the same. It took me a long time to realize that she probably wouldn’t, and I had to let that go. Over time we’ve come to a new kind of friendship. Bit by bit we’ve gotten back something that was lost, and forged something new. I admit that I’m a little more guarded with her, but at least I’m so much more aware of how she affects me. She’s at a much better place in her life now, and I just accept that she likes to think she’s “invented the wheel”. Our friendship isn’t the same as it was but hopefully in the future it will be something even better.

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